Mood:
not sureTopic: "I'm going because..."
I remember during my training in Kingston, our trainers kept saying to always remember why you are there. We aren't there to fool around, drink, or goof off - but we are all there for our own personal reasons. They told us to write down "I'm going because [reason]" on a piece of paper and keep it in a special place to remind yourself that you chose to come here because of something specific. As soon as I heard that, I thought it would make a great way to start off my journal I'll be keeping while over there...
My departure date is quickley approaching and I'm very excited, although I feel like I'm just awakening a previously hidden part of myself that will soon become very important to me. I feel as though I need guidance at this point, and I'm afraid that if I don't chase after this other "self", that it might run away from me forever. I don't want to hinder any realisations that I might experience if I remained at home, having access to spiritual leaders and the wisdom of my friends who I feel very blessed to have in my life and feel connected to spiritually. Even though I am excited, I am remaining extremely calm, as if it hasn't hit me yet... but I think that I am so calm because deep down I know I am meant to follow this path and I trust whatever force is leading me down it.
I am an incarnated angel on Earth. I am here to heal and help others while sacrificing bits of myself. I am the listener of problems, the healer of hearts, the angelic figure who bathes others in positive energy while absorbing their negative energy. I have read that this negative energy leaves me feeling drained, so I try to gain energy from food, but the drain and weakness I feel is beyond any physiological problem. I was told that I keep extra weight as a barrier between me and the people who will recognize me as an Earth Angel and take advantage of that. I am supposed to let that fear go while over in Afghanistan and use that time to learn about myself and reflect on my life back home.
My dad was venting to me the other day about my brother, and said that things will only get worse when I leave because I am the one Jason confides in and vents to when he has problems. At that point I realised that everyone in my family vents and confides in me. I feel like when I leave there will be a lot of tension and negativge energy in the house and nobody to absorb it for them... I hope they'll be ok - but my calling lies elsewhere. I am needed in a different place, with different people, and different energies to sort out.
Ever since I was little, I have always noticed that streetlights turn off or flicker around me. I have always believed it had some sort of significance and decided to look it up a few years back. I learned that people who tend to notice that have a great energy feild being given off that cause the streetlights to do that. These people tend to be great natural healers, something that was confirmed when discovering that I am an Earth Angel. I feel a strong urge to learn how to tap into that ability to be able to heal the invisible wounds of others.
I am hoping that the next 6 months will offer me time to grow spiritually and learn from the hundreds of people I will be surrounded by. Before I learn to heal others, I need to learn how to heal myself and discover these parts of myself that I feel I have lost and am only now beginning to find the pieces.
It's funny how only a few weeks ago I was convinced that I would write "I'm going because [insert generic "I want to support our troops" response that I don't really believe in], but now I know; I am going because I was called there. I feel like this job was literally handed to me and it's up to me to make the most of it. I am going because I need to uncover my hidden self. I am going because I need to heal those who need it most. I am going because I am an incarnated angel on my first true mission of this lifetime.
